I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
