do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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