Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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