Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
