I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
