please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
