Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
