Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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