fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
