Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
