Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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