My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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