I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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