I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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