who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
