How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
