okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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