I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
