Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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