Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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