as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
