you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
