nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
