so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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