my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
