I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
