Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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