Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
