I'm going to jail i love you
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
