she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
