Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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