Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just found a bag of teeth...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
