yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
