So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We got so high we made milksteak
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
