yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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