nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
