The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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