4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
