I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm like, not good at living.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
