was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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