So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
