I just pynch a tree in the face
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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