It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
