While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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