Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
