Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
