Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
