That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
