He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
