Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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