your parents love me but you hate me
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
