he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
