I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
