im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
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