sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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