That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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