Pants 0. Shit 1.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
