There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
