So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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