I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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