No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
