I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
