I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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