in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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