Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
