Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
