I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
